Friday, September 17, 2010

Random Crap You Don't Need To Know:


But I need to tell you.

I bought a new robe. I love it. It's the color of eggplant, light like a cardigan, hits me just right, was cheap and I feel like a movie heroine in it. I am wearing it now despite warming temperatures (it's been cool for like a week so WTF!?) and humidity. I still feel like a movie heroine. A sticky, sticky movie heroine.

I am waiting to go to the bank. And waiting. And waiting...I am still not used to this damn new one-child-in-high-school and one-child-in-middle-school schedule. I have to get up at 6:15 (oh the horror) and it is still dark and my coffee is all consumed (drat) before girl child is even gone and then I think: okay, errands! and realize (damn it all) that it is only 7:40 and nothing is open. Hmph.

I have to return shoes. The man needed trainers. I am this size...this size...this size. He insisted. This. Size. So I bought that fucking size and..."They're too tight". Hmm. How about you take your feet to the store and buy your own shoes? Then you could try them on oh...there! But I will take them back and I will smile. But only because I've been promised sex and I want that on the record.

The dog keeps farting. Please remove him.

I am currently fixated on the color red again and wolves though my next paranormal does not just feature a wolf but a wolf and a vampire. Be still my heart. Heh. Get it? Dead humor.

And...I read this magazine article about women's purses and what's in them. They had stuff like 'solid perfume' and 'wine wipes' (I'll take a case) and tweezers and sewing kits. I looked in my purse: A pencil case I use as a makeup case. Hey, I liked the pattern. Lipgloss, dental floss, pennies. More pennies. A tissue-crumpled. Sixteen spent shopping lists. Four billion receipts. A wallet that is bursting and weeps when you open it to extract money. A coupon holder that I bought simply because it had skulls on it. All the coupons are expired. My Superman spanking Ms. Lane cigarette case that I use as a business card holder (from Alison Tyler). A tin of mints to keep boy child busy while we wait at the docs/dentist/school (crunch-crunch-crunch...can I have another?). More pennies. Oh look! A nickel! A man from the Renaissance festival...another map from the Renaissance Festival. A parking receipt. A...I don't know what that is. We'll just throw it out.

The point is: no snazzy girly items. Just a college fund in pennies and an unidentifiable something that I just disposed of.

I feel very unglamorous right now. And by the way...come get this farting dog!

XOXO
Sommer
p.s. yes, i know i typed "a man from the Renaissance Festival" and then a map. It should be two maps. but the fact that i typed man cracked me the fuck up and i like the idea that i somehow smuggled a man out of RenFest...so i left it!

11 comments:

  1. And meanwhile, sitting here still waiting for a pic of those boots is lil old me (who really should be working but hey, it's Friday afternoon so...).

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  2. I *still* can't find the damn camera. Hold on. I'll check my purse. It might be under that man from the RenFest!

    xoxo
    s

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  3. My dog releases gas bombs on regular basis. I feel your pain.

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  4. hmm. maybe they should hook up. X-D this is new for him but not at all pleasant. (o_O)

    xoxo
    S

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  5. LOL. After reading this, I checked my purse. It might be a good blog post....

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  6. oh yay! i love that you love it! :)
    xoxo
    S

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  7. I think we're handbag sisters. I also still have toys and sticky wrappers.

    What are you meant to do with all the fucking receipts?

    wv: buffi !!!!

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  8. Okay, so I saw this yesterday and never ever thought I'd have a reason to link to a farting dog toy! And then you go and do this post, giving me the perfect opportunity to link you to Walter, the Farting Dog!

    Ta DA!

    XXX,
    Alison

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  9. Jo, no more toys but stick wrappers do make the occasional appearance still.

    Ta and Da a farting dog toy! Must own it! I have actually heard about Walter before.Too funny. ;)

    XOXO
    s

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What sayest thou?