Thursday, October 21, 2010

Guess I’m An Adult Now or Who The Fuck Put Me In Charge?

I have always been a big believer of things happening for a reason. Even the sucky ones. So today, after dropping a few bills and my local savings store (starts with a Wal ends with a Mart) the last thing I wanted to do was spend more money. But the man wanted to grill. So I dragged my ass back out intending on grabbing a steak and some sodas.

An hour and a half later I had wondered if someone was going to die in my arms and making a decision that scares the shit out of me like shall we call 9-1-1? I had run into the man’s elderly aunt who was having “a spell” in the grocery store. The spell progressed to disorientation, very labored breathing, paleness and a nearly impossible to find pulse. I got to a point where I was running her family history through my head (strokes and heart attacks) and I was really feeling like the most inept person on the planet despite having managed to deal with her and her groceries, the store managers, locating her son on the phone via my sister-in-law (he was on his way) and keeping her calm.

She kept telling me (this is so funny to me now) “It’s okay, honey, you go on.” And part of me wanted to. I wanted to run so fast my high top Chuck’s caught fire. But that was just the panic talking.

When she asked me my name after we’d already been together for a half an hour, I made an executive decision and called 9-1-1. And I was the one who decided it. Me. The flighty, flirty, falls down the steps, writes dirty books for a living perpetual fifteen year old. I dealt with the ambulance folks, the EMT’s, the store manager etc. And it was during this time—in the back of my mind—when I was calm as a cuke on the outside and raging with anxiety on the inside (which is how I operate in a crisis), that I realized a) I actually am grown-up despite my best efforts to portray otherwise and b) I was running this show. And even though I didn’t want to be near the stupid fucking show, let alone running it, I was. So it was time to man up, grab my balls and do it. I did it.

The point is: when the fuck did I grow up? And also never put me in charge (please!), stop to pay attention to people around you (I almost walked right past her b/c I didn’t realize it was her) and in that situation better to feel silly for overreacting than attend a funeral. Call 9-1-1. Something the (cute) EMT (yes, sue me! I noticed) told me about ten times. She’s at the hospital doing well, with her son by her side and she’s already demanding to go home. Good stuff.

Now I’m going to nap or drink or possibly both at once.



  1. *fedex's a BOX..of wine*

    You rock, Sommer. You really do. And I know you don't want to be a grown up, neither do I, but I'd rather you were the one calling the shots that anyone else I might know were I in a similar state.

    So there.

    And don't stick your tongue out at me, Miss!

    Seriously...I'm bringing you a case of wine when I finally make it to MD. Some of it homemade, others...who the fuck knows.

    But I'm doing it.

    Just cause you are that full of awesomeness.

  2. It's scary isn't it? Suddenly realized adult-hood sneaks up on all of us at some point. Mine is slowly sinking in.

    Good job on keeping your head in the crisis. And no one is going to sue you for noticing the cute EMT. We'd need to check YOUR pulse if you didn't.

    Have a few and relax. CHEERS.

  3. Nothing like being smacked up side the head by adulthood. Hell, I keep trying to revert but it keeps pulling me back in. By the way, if I collapse in a grocery store aisle, I wouldn't mind it being in your arms, Sommer. Good work. (Raising a wine glass to you).

  4. Good for you, hon. And breeeattthhh out!

  5. OMG you're a rock, a goddess, a survivor! Well, the aunt is a survivor but that's thanks to you. Now I'm going to have some wine myself in homage to you.

  6. Dreamer! That is the box wine I drink. Only I drink Cab. I lurve wine. Homemade, manmade, alien made, outer space wine works for me. Any wine is my friend. Esp today. As for you and Sonny biting it in the grocery, please don't or wait for me to leave. Though I'm flattered, I never want to do that again. Ever!

    Thanks Angell, I am about to Cheers and Jo, I just remembered to start breathing again a few minutes ago.

    We got another update, they might keep her overnight, but no harm done, she'd doing well. And I gotta say, folks...maturity...still not a fan.

    Love to you all. I am in my sweats and Carlo Rossi is calling my name. That sweet talker...


  7. Oops, Cass, this was in the moderation! Sorry! Best homage ever. I clink your glass. Cheers. :D


  8. You are so full of AWESOME. And thank goodness you were there. People now walk right past others in need, thankfully she had you to look after her. I'm sure the rest of the family feels the same!

  9. Hey, Cora, thx. :) I just got my third call that I'm one of "God's little angels". Who knew angels were nearly 6 feet tall and wrote zee pron.


  10. Dear Sommer...

    Six feet of angel?

    Will you be my angel?

    *grins wickedly*

    Dear god...yes I'm tipsy, leave me be.


  11. Fuck.

    It's not a spam filter...

    It's a DRUNK filter!

    Tool...tool? WTF?...TOOK me four tries to post that.

    Going to bed.

    in an hour or four.

    and yes.

    I know it's Thusday...Thursdya...FUCK. THURSDAY.

    And yes. you can laugh t'morra.


  12. oh my god. you are too funny. but i sooo would not want to be inside your skull today ;)~


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