Saturday, September 10, 2011
Happy Anniversary to me! I mean us! And not the kind you think.
Since I was very little the 10th has been a hard day for me. Even if I didn't know what day it was (I worked two jobs and took a 17 credit course load in college, I often didn't know what day it was). Whether I knew the day or not, I usually had a rocky day on the 10th--it's the day my father died. So today is the 36th anniversary of that loss.
Though, it's eased with time and is less sharp and intense, things like that never really go away, if you ask me.
A few years ago the man and I decided we were done with the whole smoking business. For various reasons such as it was actually starting to effect my health, the money, our children (we NEVER want them to smoke) and on and on and on.
We had both tried multiple ways to quit and had never managed as he would become withdrawn, I'd become emotional and then it would all collide into me thinking we were going to end up divorced. I'd rather smoke!
So we decided, no bullshit. We needed to realize I would become emotional (and down right terrifying sometimes, I'll admit) and he'd become extremely withdrawn an we would NOT get divorced, we'd make it through.
So we quit cold turkey...on the 10th. We took that day hoping to turn it into something positive. I swear I never thought we'd do it. I am still shocked. I was that person who lit one cigarette with another. So to this day I'm still a bit gobsmacked that we pulled it off.
Now cigarettes are about six bucks a pack and up and every time I get that rogue craving for one, I simply remember what my clothes and hair smelled like (oddly I still thing burning cigarettes smell awesome. It's extinguished ones...not so much). How much money we spent. How my kids hated it. Those cravings last about two seconds.
So, if you're considering quitting...do it. It can be done. Trust me, if someone like me managed it, you can too. And oddly, one of my favorite things: when we're expected to get big snow here, I don't immediately start doing math in my head and focusing on if I have enough cigarettes to get through. And the figuring how I can get more if my math is off and I run out.
I can just...enjoy it.
Four years and counting. Happy anniversary to us. Woohoo :)