Oh my god. I'm dying. I'm going to be 40 in twelve days. And then December 1 I will wake up and....what? Explode? Levitate? Be the wisest woman evah!? Probably not. But I realized I had a late start on a few things. Mid to late 30s. It makes me wonder what I'll discover when I'm 40. But let's look, shall we?
It was not until my very late 30s that I 'got' Bruce Springsteen. And now that I 'got' him, I think I'd like to kiss him. Among other things, but let's stick with kiss. I was listening to Born In The USA today and I must say, it is eerily on point for current times. As it was for the year it came out. That is kind of sad.
And does anyone know if that is his actual ass? *ahem*. Not that that is important.
It was not until my late 30s that I discovered Chuck Palahniuk. Or as I call him in my head, my writing Yoda. And if you scroll down to the video below you'll hear him say he didn't start writing till he was 33. Guess who else did not actually start writing for real until they were 33? *waves hand*. [insert Twilight Zone music here]
He is my most 'markable' writer. Meaning when I read his books, I tend to either bend pages (much to the man's chagrin) or use sticky notes on passages I need to mark.
It was not until my late 30s that I got into self torture--I mean running!--and it was only this week that I learned the "Down" mantra that actually works and is possibly scary in its efficacy.
I'd like to actually run that 5K in my 40s. Or even further. We'll see.
In my 30s I also lost a friendship and I thought it would break my heart. I got contacted by a major NY agent (whose writer list made me break out in hives) and we did not mesh and it did not work and....i thought it would break my heart. I had a book set up to go with a specific editor and was stoked and...it didn't happen...and I thought it would break my heart.
But my heart did not break. In fact, the book got published, the editor is back in my inbox, the agent thing I've made peace with and the friend thing I let go. And I'm ending my 30s stronger and happier and more in love than I entered them (and that last one is saying something). I mean, don't get me wrong, in a lot of ways life is hard right now, harder than ever. But happiness is a state of mind, I have come to believe. Never give up. Ever.
Like I said, I can't see what's headed my way. Hopefully this new book with this beloved editor and that race where I mutter "Down" to myself all the way to the finish line and some fun surprises. Things I don't even see coming.
Overall, these past ten years have been a hell of a ride. And I plan for it to get better...no retreat, no surrender.