I'm exhausted. I realized that today on my walk. I. Am. Exhausted.
Once upon a time I wrote novels and I spit polished them and then I hunted for a publisher. While I hunted and submitted and waited (and waited and waited) I wrote other stuff. That pattern worked and it felt kinetic but boy was it not as hectic as I thought. Not really.
Right now I'm racing along on a novel that's due ASAHP (as soon as humanly possible) which is actually July. But I need it out of here before July to do the next one. And the next one. Already promised to publishers.
And I'm soooooo grateful that that is the case but...as I realized...I'm tired.
I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I mean, I cannot stop writing. And I really don't want to. I feel lost when I don't write. But what I'm trying to figure out is a more elegant, more graceful, more calm way to deal with the craziness and the work load.
There are days that I am all: I have got this! I've totally got this! And often those days come with about 4,000 words of book. And then there are days that I'm like: Fucking stop the world I want to get off. I'm going to nap for a year.
So you, yes you, do you have any weapons of mass Om for me? Any tips to share with a frenzied writer like me who is over the moon that she gets to do this for a living but some days feels so overwhelmed she wants to lie down on the floor and shut her eyes and not move?
I love my job. I adore it. I am so blessed. But I am also sort of a little burnt out from the non-stop pace I keep myself on. I need to find my balance. And sometimes balance comes from asking for help. Asking advice.
I think this was the year (I'll have to check with the man) that I said I was going old school. I was going to write the books and then figure out where they went instead of signing on for them. But hey, a girl can't say no when offered good things. And good things were offered. This is a job and you do not turn down chances to secure food on the table for your kids.
But a girl also needs to find her fucking Zen.
I'd love to hear from you! Tell me your Om secrets. And wish me luck as I try to wrap up the current book I'm working on. I love it so much it hurts :)
[As an aside, I almost deleted this three times because the type A, very hard on myself part of me feels it makes me look weak and whiny. But it's sincere and it's something I think a lot of self-employed people experience whether they're writers or daycare or cupcake bakers. So I'm going to force my anal, self critical self to leave it up here. Om...]
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