Thursday, August 29, 2013

A good reason not to eat fruit...

Fruit Platter

Fruit flies.

I battle with these little bastards every year, it seems. But for some reason they're really bugging me this year. Heh. Bugging me...

I remember the year we got 'the guinea pig'. That was what the folks who owned him before us called him. "The guinea pig". We named him Mr. Nibbles. What no one told me was that he came with a cage, some bedding, some food, a water bottle, and apparently a year's supply of fruit flies. I still believe they somehow flew out of his butt when no one was looking.

That summer I spent in battle with the fruit flies. I vividly remember, when school finally started at the end of August, sending the kids off on the school bus, having my second cup of coffee and then getting my Dyson vacuum and sort of winding it around myself with the long silver metal attachment and going through the house like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens sucking up fruit flies. Okay, I admit that made me feel a bit bad ass. But still, they were a constant in my home. Flitting about, being annoying, dying IN MY WINE. Fruit flies.

So now I shop at various places and this one place I shop I always seem to come home with extra guests for dinner. I swear it should say "A one pound purchase of sweet potatoes comes with free fruit flies." Or apples...or bananas...or kiwis.

Sure they carry odd items you see in Foodnetwork Magazine but they also carry the bane of my existence. Flying annoyance.

I'm not even sure if they're fruit flies, to be honest. The ones that came with Mr. Nibbles were bigger and black, these are small and brown. And then there seems to be some other mystery fly that is smallER and brownER than the other one.

The problem is they all want my wine. (fuckers) Also, they all seem determined to fly up my nose. It could be worse. I could be like my mom. She hates (regular house) flies to much that several years back my sister gave her small food 'tents' for her birthday. The reason being in years before that if a fly got in the house during a summer cookout or a gathering you would walk in to find the food table and snack stuff shrouded in white napkins. It looked like the worlds smallest morgue.

I don't go that far. I've just started leaving out a small glass of wine just for them. May they all die drunk and happy.

The way I plan to go. Heh.




  1. LOL. Excellent post Sommer. They've been plaguing my house too. My mom insists that they're a curse left over from my dad, who hated the buggers too.

    But of course, she leaves the wine bottles out ANYWAY.

  2. I hate the fuckers! Hate them! We have the small brown ones too. Wine or vinegar, if you don't want to share, and one drop of washing up liquid that makes them sink instantly and not paddle around desperately for ages. Then the dead ones attract their friends... die, little bastards, die!


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