Today, I have one of my all time favorite people here. Alison Tyler's stopped by on her Never Say Never tour and she has some cooking advice for us. Sort of. If you mean steamy sex when you talk about cooking. I hope you'll check out not only Never Say Never but her original Never Have the Same Sex twice. And not because I'm in them (but I am), but because they're not your typical How-To. I'm not much of a How-To girl. I'm more of a guy in that area (at least a lot of the guys I know). Directions? Instructions? I don't need no stinking...um, either of those things. But these are guides I can really get behind. And under...on top of...side saddle.
A Watched Slut Never Boils…
I am a cookbook junkie. Although I cannot boil water without forgetting I have a pot on the stove, leaving the kitchen, and ruining (yet another) saucepan—I love reading cookbooks. Jamie Oliver resides on my shelf next to Dinner at the Authentic Café and The Moosewood Cookbook. The Silver Palette has been my friend for years. I adore the quotes in the margins, the little friendly chitchat, the easy-to-understand diagrams of meals I will never make.
Well, never say never, I guess.
My goal with my guides was to create this sort of feeling. This warm, welcoming, we- can-all-do-this atmosphere. Except with sex rather than food. Because while I am scared to death of the kitchen, I have no fear at all in the bedroom… dining room… living room… garage…movie theater…taxi cab…sex club…
Never Say Never incorporates full-length erotic tales from some of today’s top writers. But I also included tiny snippets of sensational stories to give additional flavor to the book. Rather than have me stand at a podium spouting off—I invited a slew of other writers to share their advice in story form.
When you read Never Say Never I want you to hear my voice—as well as the voices of the other 40 or so authors in the book. I want you to be able to dip in and out—the way I dip in and out of cookbooks. But unlike me, I want you to find that your fear (if you have any) subsides. That the tricks and tips are helpful. That you can take the knowledge and go boldly forward.
Fuck the water on the stove.
Get cooking in every other room of the house!
Excerpt from Never Say Never, by Alison Tyler
“Is that man bothering you?”
I’m standing in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. I don’t even turn to face Sam, but I can feel him right behind me, waiting for my response.
“Which man?” I ask as I reach for my favorite red dress.
He puts his hands out to stop me, and in seconds, my wrists are pinned behind my back. I was silly to think I could get away with walking around in only my black satin bra and panties when Sam was nearby.
“The man touching you,” he says as his fingertips dip into my knickers, as his pointer parts my nether lips to feel the wetness between. “Is he bothering you? Should I do something about him?”
Touching me. Yes, a man is touching me. Sam has his free hand running up and down my split, and I nearly buckle. I would, except he has me standing at attention with his hand on my wrists. I bow, wishing we were close to the bed, wishing I could collapse and luxuriate in the way he manhandles me. But he’s having none of my wishes. This is about Sam, mind-fucking me as he finger-fucks my pussy. I keep myself from begging. We’re not even close.
He pulls me in front of the mirror over my dresser and makes me watch him. His fingers are sticky with my juices, and he runs his fingertips over my lips, then kisses me. I taste myself in his kiss. He releases my wrists, but I keep them in place, staring as he pulls my bra down in front, revealing my breasts. He pinches my nipples—first the right, then the left—and I close my eyes and sigh.
Sam doesn’t miss a trick. “Open your eyes.”
I obey, immediately.
“I’m waiting for an answer.”
“I forgot the question.”
He nudges me with his erection. I would drop to my knees and suck him, except he hasn’t asked me to.
“Is that man bothering you?”
Alison Tyler is the author of more than twenty-five novels—most recently Dark Secret Love and The Delicious Torment (both from Cleis Press). She has edited fifty anthologies for Cleis, including Got a Minute—called “one of the very few truly indispensable filth anthologies around” by UK Forum. She cannot cook a lick—but she can lick the cook. Visit alisontyler.blogspot.com for 24-hour snark.