I am a creature of habit. Aren’t we all? What I mean by habit, though, is I grow attached to things and then companies up and take them away from me. There are products I downright mourn to this day. You may have heard some of these. Maybe not. Either way, I miss these things and I want them back.
The Body Shop, you owe me the original lavender shower gel scent. And while we’re at it, the bergamot. What the bloody fuck? They were the best scents. Clean, natural, perfect. I don’t want a bloody moonlit garden or a star grazed meadow. I just want lavender and bergamot. Is that so wrong?
Aussie Shampoo, where the hell is the original scent? The original scent of the Three Minute Miracle and the Original Shampoo is an earmark of my coming of age years. A scent reminder of my youth. And it is gone. Gone, gone, gone. Why would you ‘fix’ something that wasn’t broken?
And let’s talk about green Starbursts. Remember them? No? Then apparently you are younger than me. Because I had them growing up and they were the best. And none of that tropical shit. That's green as in lime NOT GREEN APPLE, bitches. Lime. Green=lime. Not green apple. What is with everyone trying to shove green apple down my throat? It’s horrid and the worst part about it is it definitely is not lime.
And on the topic of GREEN BLOODY APPLE, Skittles, I demand you return the lime candies and ditch the noxious green apple. Even girl child pointed out the other day that on the package it said “Original” and then went off quite angrily about how it is not “original” as the green are now green apple. And the worst part is you forget. You pop one in your mouth and boom! What the hell is that?
AMERICAN Mars Bars. Now! I know that the UK Mars Bar is basically our Milky Way (or so I’ve been told) but we used to have a candy bar here called the Mars Bar. Then it went poof. And I was sad. Luckily, this one had a happy ending. Boy child did some research and found out that the Mars Bar in the US was simply renamed: Snickers with Almonds. Haha! Win!
See that. I miss candy and grooming products. Yes, I’m weird. Yes, there are more, but they have fled my mind. So at some point you should be seeing Shit People Stole From Me That I Want Back: Part Duex.Oh, and if you have any insider info about these products, perhaps that like the American Mars Bar they are hiding under a top secret name in a Product Protection Program, please let me know. I'd love to smell good and eat some green Starbursts.